Some topics tend to attract a lot of anxiety and desperation. Singlehood is one of those topics. I say that because I have many friends who are single, and so am I. I have frequently witnessed people around me get attached, sigh about the poor quality of people we meet and resign to their state of singlehood.
Are we incomplete if we are single?
Personally, I do believe in soulmates. When I see people getting happily attached, I feel very happy for them. But the society seems to have marked singlehood as a type of disease rather than something that is totally okay. The society seems to think that we are incomplete until we get attached or get married. This has led singlehood to be associated with desperation. Many people become obsessed with their state of singlehood - every time they see people together, when they witness a wedding, and when Valentine's Day comes by.
This anxiety leads them to two possible outcomes. The first, they attract and enter substandard relationships with people who are poor matches for them. The second outcome is unhappiness when they cannot find their dream partner or when they experience a break up.
As I write this, I'm single, 24, and have never been in a serious relationship before. I also have many friends who are the same age as me who have been single their whole lives too. When I was younger, I didn't think too much about getting a relationship nor gave any special attention to guys around me. In the past few years however, I started opening myself up more and more to looking out for Mr. Right. As I opened myself up to the prospect to finding my special someone, I got to know more guys. Over the years, there have been various different guys who expressed interest. However, I just never seemed to find the right match amongst them.
It was quite a downer sometimes. I had different thoughts too on why that was happening. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. There was a certain element of anxiety I viewed for my future surrounding relationships. I didn't understand why something like being in a relationship could actually drive someone to such level of unhappiness. Shouldn't relationships be a happy thing? Why would something that is supposed to bring me bliss result in so much unhappiness in myself?
Realization That I Am Complete
After much introspection and probing, it finally hit home - I was looking at all of this the wrong way. All the frustration on getting a relationship arose because I was looking for a relationship to complete myself.
For example, I was putting off various aspects of my life until I find my life partner. It resulted in hidden tension and anxiety towards finding my life partner. Fact is, I am already complete by myself. There is no need for my life partner to enter into my life before all those things can happen. I can do them as and when I want to. I was looking at a relationship as two halves forming a whole, when it should be about two wholes forming a bigger union.
When I released myself of those limiting beliefs, my views towards relationships totally changed. I stopped looking at relationships with a feeling of desperation. I became grounded in myself. I became truly and perfectly happy being a single.
Does this mean I don't want to be in a relationship? No, I do want to be. The difference is that desire stopped being based in fear-level emotions. It is now based in groundedness and love-based emotions.
Are You Complete By Yourself?
Are you complete as a single? There is a huge difference on your perceptions towards relationships between when you see yourself as incomplete and when you see yourself as already complete.When it is the latter, getting into a relationship becomes something that is supplementary and will make you a fuller person, rather than a prerequisite to make you whole. You start becoming grounded. You start to know what you want and what's truly right for you. You become full of self confidence and happiness. While you look towards being in a relationship someday, you are perfectly happy being by yourself at the same time.
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